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Yesterday I was at the library most of the day getting a rewrite of a paper together for the Biblical Criticism course I'm taking. Kinda sucked because I had already written the full paper and turned it in, but it wasn't what the assignment was looking for, so my rewrite was almost entirely different, probably borrowing about five paragraphs from the previous one. Here's what I wrote while taking a break from scouring one little chunk of the mind of the writer known as Paul(Saul) of Tarsus:

I wonder, how do I come across to the other students here at the seminary library? Today I have left my ear jewelry out, but am still wearing big ol' studio headphones with the Hendrix cranking: 1983 – (A Merman I Should Turn To Be). "And they threw this in my face. They said 'Anyway, anyway you know good and well it would be beyond the will of God….'." And I've got my favorite (well, my only) Clutch shirt on, with the simply stated words "PURE ROCK FURY" in four inch font on the back.

Oh, speaking of... I went to the psychologist today (my first visit), and we didn't get very far in the first 45-minute session. I didn't get to talk about the fury that burns within. We'll get to that eventually, but mostly dealing with anxiety, and we made some good progress on uncovering my "over-identification" issues. There are several fine lines between over-identification and disassociation (last night's topic). One of the most important is understanding how over-empathizing can thwart or distort one's effectiveness. In essence, if you're identifying AS the "other" rather than identifying WITH the "other," you can end up being part of the disease or feeling the pain in a way that's not really helpful. By keeping enough distance to work on that which is not you, yr able to work more effectively. Imagine trying to give a massage while you're hugging someone, or similarly, giving a massage to yourself. Its possible, but not as effective. (Though its nice to hug people of course. (If they're agreeable to hugging.))

Anyway, I do wonder how do I come across to the others here at the library? Do some feel intimidated? Do they dismiss me as just another nut? There are a lot of nutty people around here, but it all depends on yr perspective I suppose. Do they appreciate me? I think most of the people there like Then again, why do I care? I just want to get on with my business of leaving a trail of decimation/glory/love/electricity in my wake. [BTW: Hendrix – Moon turn the tides gently gently – 7:10 – 7:50, beautiful guitar sounds, like dolphins.] OK, gotta get back to my paper. I sure wish I could be theological in it. Dang.

Also, a quick question for anyone reading. What do you do when your old favorite rock t-shirts (or other t-shirts) get threadbare or start to rip around the seams? Today I was briefly thinking about my N.I.N. shirt from Lollapalooza when it rained and my new red hat dripped on it so it turned pink in spots. I dyed it kind of a bluish and it was actually better than before, but then after years of wear, it started to rip out along the armholes and neckhole, with some random other holes in the fabric. I got rid of it, and don't remember the circumstances, but sometimes its hard to let go. Got any t-shirt stories?

lyrics:
Before our heads go under we take a last look at the killing noise
Of the out of style, the out of style, out of style(oooh)... (Merman - see above)

colors: milky white and blue

mood: heeyagh.! Still tired from not enough sleep working on that paper.

chant/prayer/mantra: the water walks in waves these days, or at least its good and ready, they say.


pax hominibus,
joel