Somebody might wonder why I've been holding out so long. But really, I've been confused. Somewhere, I read a quote to the affect of "no matter what happens, confusion is often the best response." I feel that way frequently. Confusion will be my epitaph. (Yay, King Crimson!)

Besides, a professor of mine mentioned a little something in class about Howard Thurman saying:

"I think that God has always been trying to say something through me. And 3/4ths of the time, I think I got it wrong!"

If a man of his caliber is only getting it right 25% of the time, I dare to dream that my batting average would ever get above .222. but then i do swing for the bleachers.

lyrics: OMFG,... PJ Harvey -- Rub Til it Bleeds. How mind-shockingly appropriate. I am still in love with her for her Passion. The visceral grasp behind her voice always gets me in the mood.

Rub Til it Bleeds

Speak I'm listening
Baby, I'm your sweet thing
Believe, what I'm saying
God's truth, I'm not lying
I....
Lie Steady
Rest your head on me
I'll smooth it nicely
Rub it better, 'til it bleeds
I....
And you believed me
Caught out again
I'm calling you weak
Getting even

Oh.. I was joking
Sweet babe, Let me stroke it
Take.. I'm giving
God's truth I'm not lying
I......

And 'Away' by the Meat Puppets

below the road a dozen times now
within the leeway behind the sandhouse
the fascinating book of strings
picks the leaves
that drift down in between
suns to lift up in between
they told some stories like you've never seen
just about everything slips down in between
mine to lift up and to follow
in the steps of fluids hollow
without time we pick up all the streams
to find the leaves
that drift down in between

oh, and then Exodus 10 (gotta love iTunes shuffle...):

Exodus 10 (King James Version) [th version i listen to on audio-mp3 is the world english bible. not sure what kind of ideological/theological (is not an 'ideology' just a type of 'prejudiced-theology' influenced by some presumed fact?) bent the writers may have, regarding the early old testament stories. The original books of the bible may have been the real record of the divine word of God spoken through prophets, judges, kings, and common-folk, but unless the humans who chose to translate it into our current language are truly divinely-guided (and not ideological) AND unless the humans who choose to interpret it today, for themselves and for others, are divinely-guided, that word of God is now only a troublesome verisimilitudinous version of the original. IOW, get over it, no book of God translated into English can be _the_ word of God, it's just the Word, eh? much love, and blessed be. over and in.]

Exodus 10

1And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

2And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the LORD.

3And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

4Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

5And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:

6And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.

7And Pharaoh's servants said unto him, How long shall this man be a snare unto us? let the men go, that they may serve the LORD their God: knowest thou not yet that Egypt is destroyed?

8And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

9And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.

10And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.

11Not so: go now ye that are men, and serve the LORD; for that ye did desire. And they were driven out from Pharaoh's presence.

12And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left.

13And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts.

14And the locust went up over all the land of Egypt, and rested in all the coasts of Egypt: very grievous were they; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such.

15For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they did eat every herb of the land, and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left: and there remained not any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt.

16Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you.

17Now therefore forgive, I pray thee, my sin only this once, and intreat the LORD your God, that he may take away from me this death only.

18And he went out from Pharaoh, and intreated the LORD.

19And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

20But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.

21And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.

22And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

23They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.

24And Pharaoh called unto Moses, and said, Go ye, serve the LORD; only let your flocks and your herds be stayed: let your little ones also go with you.

25And Moses said, Thou must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, that we may sacrifice unto the LORD our God.

26Our cattle also shall go with us; there shall not an hoof be left behind; for thereof must we take to serve the LORD our God; and we know not with what we must serve the LORD, until we come thither.

27But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.

28And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

29And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

More iTunes shuffle) - Some U2 Tune. "I..... will be with you again. On New Year's Day."

Next up, Jeremiah 35. :) seriously, I have about a dozen tens of thousands of tunes on here, so it's surprising to get two bible verses so soon one after the other. there are lots of other audiobooks on there, so i usually get some of them in between. i want to get an audiobook of sheik yassir reading from the qu'ran.

Jeremiah 35 (New International Reader's Version)

Jeremiah 35

The Family of Recab

1 A message came to me from the Lord. It came during the time Jehoiakim was king over Judah. He was the son of Josiah. The message said, 2 "Go to the members of the family line of Recab. Invite them to come to one of the side rooms in my house. Then give them wine to drink."

3 So I went to get Jaazaniah. He was the son of Jeremiah. Jeremiah was the son of Habazziniah. I also went to get Jaazaniah's brothers and all of his sons. That included all of the members of the family line of Recab. 4 I brought them into the Lord's house. I took them into the room of the sons of Hanan. He was the son of Igdaliah. He was also a man of God. His room was next to the room of the officials. Their room was above the room of Maaseiah. He was the son of Shallum. He also was one of those who guarded the temple doors. 5 Then I got bowls full of wine and some cups. I set them down in front of the men from the family line of Recab. I said to them, "Drink some wine."

6 But they replied, "We don't drink wine. That's because Jonadab gave us a command. He was the son of Recab. He was also one of our own people from long ago. He commanded, 'You and your children after you must never drink wine. 7 Also you must never build houses. You must never plant crops or vineyards. You must never have any of those things. Instead, you must always live in tents. Then you will live a long time in the land where you are wandering around.'

8 "We have done everything Jonadab, the son of Recab, commanded us to do. So we and our wives and our children have never drunk wine. 9 We have never built houses to live in. We've never had vineyards, fields or crops. 10 We've always lived in tents. We've completely obeyed everything Jonadab commanded our people of long ago.

11 "But Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylonia, marched into this land. Then we said, 'Come. We must go to Jerusalem. There we can escape the armies of Babylonia and Aram.' So we have remained in Jerusalem."

12 Then a message came to me from the Lord. It said, 13 "The Lord who rules over all is the God of Israel. He says, 'Go. Speak to the people of Judah and Jerusalem. Tell them, "Won't you ever learn a lesson? Won't you ever obey my words?" announces the Lord.

Hindu Love Gods -- Battleship Chains. "you've got me tied down with battleship chains, fifty-foot long, and a two-ton anchor."

Joy Division -- Twenty-Four Hours

"So this is permanence, love's shattered pride

What once was innocence, turned on its side
Grey cloud hangs over me, marks every move
Deep in the memory of what once was love

Oh how I realised how I wanted time
Put into perspective, tried so hard to find
Just for one moment I thought I'd found my way
Destiny unfolded - I watched it slip away

Excessive flashpoints, beyond all reach
Solitary demands for all I'd like to keep
Let's take a ride out, see what we can find
A valueless collection of hopes and past desires

I never realised the lengths I'd have to go
All the darkest corners of a sense I didn't know
Just for one moment I heard somebody call
Looked beyond the day in hand - there's nothing there at all

Now that I've realised how it's all gone wrong
Got to find some therapy, this treatment takes too long
Deep in the heart of where sympathy held sway
Got to find my destiny before it gets too late"


Next to shuffle in: Deuteronomy 1

Deuteronomy 1 (Darby Translation)

Deuteronomy 1

1These are the words which Moses spoke to all Israel on this side the Jordan, in the wilderness, in the plain, opposite to Suph, between Paran and Tophel, Laban, Hazeroth, and Dizahab.

2There are eleven days' journey from Horeb by the way of mount Seir to Kadesh-barnea.

3And it came to pass in the fortieth year, in the eleventh month, on the first of the month, that Moses spoke to the children of Israel, according to all that Jehovah had given him in command to them;

4after he had smitten Sihon the king of the Amorites, who dwelt at Heshbon, and Og the king of Bashan, who dwelt at Ashtaroth [and] at Edrei.

Whoa.  Moses smote the king of the Amorites?  Could "smiting' possibly be considered as 'killing'?  I think so.
How is it that people haven't been talking about that?    It certainly wasn't God who killed the king of the Amorites,
because um, hey, lower-case 'h'.  i always thought the fifth commandment was the most important.  S and I used to joke about it occasionally.
i don't think she knows any of the others, really, or at least not which one goes with which numbr.  hehe.
neither do many christians.  hoho.
nor do several christian ministers even.  titter, tee-hee, hoihoihoihoihoi, heehawww!

i really do fondly remember those friday/saturday nights at grampa and grandma's farm
watching that little Zenith TV in the frontroom, watching heehaw. That's the one with roy clark, right?

So next up, on the iTunes TWO MORE bible verses. Unheard of -- I just yelled at my computer monitor "stop with the bible already!" i clicked two more times, and got to another U2 song, and now finally have escaped to John Coletrane (Selflessness). For the existence of John Coltrane and his music, I will say that there MUST be a benificent divine deity. :)

last song:

Many weeks now have I waited
Oh many long nights have I cried
But just to see that happy morning, happy morning
When I have you right by my side

tomorrow never comes - elvis presley

So much for elvis being the last song... Isaiah 32! More bible?! Is there a John Coltrane in iTunes Gilead!?

Wait, wait. Turns out Isaiah 32 is one of the best. "Goverment with Justice Predicted", "Complacent Women Warned of Disaster", and "The Peace of God's Reign."

3And the eyes of them that see shall not be dim, and the ears of them that hear shall hearken;

4and the heart of the rash shall understand knowledge, and the tongue of the stammerers shall be ready to speak plainly.

5The vile man shall be no more called noble, nor the churl said to be bountiful:

6for the vile man will speak villainy, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, and to utter error against Jehovah, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and to cause the drink of the thirsty to fail.

7The instruments also of the churl are evil: he deviseth wicked devices to destroy the meek with lying words, even when the needy speaketh right.

8But the noble deviseth noble things; and to noble things doth he stand.

9Rise up, ye women that are at ease, hear my voice; ye careless daughters, give ear unto my speech.

10In a year and [some] days shall ye be troubled, ye careless women; for the vintage shall fail, the ingathering shall not come.

11Tremble, ye women that are at ease; be troubled, ye careless ones; strip you, and make you bare, and gird [sackcloth] on your loins!

12They shall smite on the breasts [in lamentation] for the pleasant fields, for the fruitful vineyards.

13Upon the land of my people shall come up thistles [and] briars, yea, upon all the houses of joy in the joyous city.

14For the palace shall be deserted, the multitude of the city shall be forsaken; hill and watchtower shall be caves for ever, a joy of wild asses, a pasture of flocks;

15until the Spirit be poured upon us from on high, and the wilderness become a fruitful field, and the fruitful field be counted for a forest.

16And judgment shall inhabit the wilderness, and righteousness dwell in the fruitful field.

17And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance for ever.

18And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting-places.

19And it shall hail, coming down on the forest; and the city shall be low in a low place.

20Blessed are ye that sow beside all waters, that send forth the feet of the ox and the ass.

And the perfect tune to end on: Silence, by Ciccone Youth. Yes!!!!

A perfect mix. A little more bible than i'd expected, but still not bad. Every good mix is a little heavy on some artist or another. I'm kind of wondering if the people at the iPod company are messing with me by weighting some songs more than others. I really should get zoneAlarm to check my ports, to see if the iTunes ppl are sending/receiving wo/ my current knowledge (i could've clicked something in the unread EULA stating that i am obliged to buy all their employees sushi for all i know). damn, i'm rambling.... next!

colors: the multicolor of the center of the sun as seen off from the point of infinity.

mood: samadhic again

chant/prayer/mantra: if you've read this far, and are of like mind, and would like to get in a little help on the website above, drop a line. i've been a bit busy and scattered lately.


pax hominibus,
joel

ps - sorry about the OMFG at the top, but that's really what i was thinking. i guess i still don't take myself seriously enough as an important orator/preacher/guru to censor out the f-words if that's the adjective/noun/verb that describes my thought or feeling. maybe in 8-10 years, i'll be more mature/reserved.